Sometimes, during the day, I get a bit edgy. It's the not being able to pee on my own without getting told off by an infant kind of edgy. It's the unshowered with spit-up in my shirt kind of edgy. It's the thousandth time I've untangled Honey Badger's sweaty fingers from my hair kind of edgy. It's the kind of edgy that is bound to happen when one is lucky enough to have a little Honey Badger Baby in one's life.
You see, I've always been the kind of person that revels in solitude. I thrive without excessive socialization. I love to focus (almost obsessively) on a task without interruption. Getting lost in thought or fantasy while the real world floats away. I also have touch and personal space issues.
That is the kind of person I am.
Becoming a Mama Bear is the single most awesome thing that has ever happened to me, but it certainly does not allow much in the way of personal time. If fact, 'solitude', has become an elusive creature these days. Little Honey Badgers do not care about personal space or touch issues either.
So, it seems an odd thing to me that I love co-sleeping so much. For parents that do not co-sleep, I imagine, nighttime is the only time for self. Time for self is certainly something I desire more of.
But nighttime is for us. Not all nights are pleasant. It is sometimes a struggle when touching turns emotionally negative for me. But it fades, and I heal. My son will nuzzle and so we lay facing one another as he nurses himself to calmness. His breathing is my lullaby. His body against mine makes my heart swell. He wakes with a smile and we lay in bed for awhile before getting up. He touches my face with his small hands and I am thrilled at the opportunity of another day as his Mommy.
